I was sitting in dining room during lunch break in my job. There were only three of us, my two female coleagues came a little bit before me, already prepared their meals, chatting about little everyday things. One of them then took small red notebok, explaining that it was her diary during first year after her elder son was born. The other coleague wanted to hear something about feeding babies in first few months. `Oh my`, I was thinking, `this will be another girly stuff I don`t really need to listen during my lunch break, about kids pooping in diapers, burping after breast feeding and things like that`. I turned my attention to a roof through a window, on the other side, watching some sparrows landing there, watching toward me, then flying away. Only fragments of my coleague`s conversation came through my contemplation, disturbing my inner thoughts. `My oldest son was born in autumn 1998…… he was 3.5 kg….. after first three months I gave him some cauliflower mixed in baby food….` They were talking, laughing on some funny stuff, leaving me on my own.
Then a sudden change in a tone of her voice drew my attention. "My husband and me were sitting by his bed where he calmly slept and promissed each other that we will give our best to provide him everything he needs to have better and brighter future in this terrible country…" Then her voice broke and she stopped reading. I turned to look. She covered her eyes and cried without sound while tears ran down her cheeks. Shaking and trembling from deep, she just looked down at her notebook without producing a single sound. Then wiped her eyes, turning another page, then another one…. The other coleague started to cry as well. With a weak voice she continued "… we are sitting in air raid shelter now, we can hear anti-aircraft guns firing like in a far distance. My son is playing with another kid of his age, he is almost 6 months now and don`t understand a horor we are living in…." Few more pages she started to regain a strength in her voice. "I knew I wanted to have another kid but I have wonderful news. Doctor told me I will have twins. I am happy my son will not be only kid in our small family…."
She is a person who complain here and there about hard life she and her husband are having. Raising three kids in Serbia is not an easy task, her husband is taxi driver and I know sometimes they have difficulties in connecting time between salaries. I know their kids don`t have everything they need for happy childhood.
Then I turned my attention through a window again. It was one of those times when moments of happiness and sadness mix, making emotions almost tangible in the air. Some sparrows were sitting on a roof top across watching me with their small black eyes. Then, in a blink of an eye, they were gone.